After psyching myself not to ask her out I got depressed and stressed myself sick. Once that nightmare was over I had a change of heart and asked if we were in the friend zone.
I’ll let the title speak for itself
So, again I’m down feeling buried. I knew it was coming yet I feel this way and I ask why?
This is a person who made me feel better being a person. I think my quality at being a human went up and now I’m back at square one. Lonely square one.
I let out all of “this will happen” thoughts in one night and tonight’s “lonely for eternity” discussion is totally on the table. Will I ever care for another person again? Maybe but I hope not soon. Maybe that’s what I get for listening to a therapist my nightmare of a week.
Now I have to muster the strength of getting in a good mood before work and before my hours trip for a guys night. Instead of a marathon of writing to hurtle this pain I must choose sleep. I hate sleep.
Nothing makes me feel worse than her suggesting to find girls for me. I don’t want you to find me girls, I like you.
I don’t know, maybe I should close relationship shop again like last year and focus on writing. Well last year I wanted to focus on me but I was stressed about 2 jobs (manager at one).
I just kill myself for other people too much where my focus should be me and my goals. I want to put a fiction genre on the map and sell more books than anyone.
So sacrifices must be made, friendships lost, time spent with goals and no girlfriends. The only person I’d have time for is someone I’d run into while pursuing my goal (linking job: editor, fellow writer, etc). She’ll be just right.
Wow I thought this post would be angry. Journals do work! Maybe I am past that gloomy stage in from my early to mid 20’s? I’ve wasted too much money on therapist when me stating the problem then searching for my best option out, really works.
I hadn’t thought of suicide tonight. That’s my biggest positive.
Thanks for listening guys/girls.
Maybe next time I’ll be done with my second draft.